Comments on: Codependency, Enabling Behavior, Tough Love http://www.davidchernoff.com/spirituality/codependency-enabling-behavior-tough-love/ A User's Guide to a Life of Meaning Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:52:05 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: bonnie spackman http://www.davidchernoff.com/spirituality/codependency-enabling-behavior-tough-love/comment-page-1/#comment-59 bonnie spackman Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:35:24 +0000 http://www.davidchernoff.com/?p=320#comment-59 Hello, I am a mother of 5 children and 6 step children. I have seen 2 of my children with different problems of substance abuse. I appreciate any and all help with the "I want to help but not enable". I feel I make sensible and rational decisions helping them but sometimes I wonder if I am enabling them. We need to help each other with any info on this matter due to the fact that more and more parents and grandparents are faced with this situation daily. Hello, I am a mother of 5 children and 6 step children. I have seen 2 of my children with different problems of substance abuse. I appreciate any and all help with the “I want to help but not enable”. I feel I make sensible and rational decisions helping them but sometimes I wonder if I am enabling them. We need to help each other with any info on this matter due to the fact that more and more parents and grandparents are faced with this situation daily.

]]> By: Valerie Gross http://www.davidchernoff.com/spirituality/codependency-enabling-behavior-tough-love/comment-page-1/#comment-58 Valerie Gross Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:46:27 +0000 http://www.davidchernoff.com/?p=320#comment-58 Thank you for this post! I stumbled on it by googling "enabling behavior." I am right in the middle of working to align a close family relationship with my "own path and purpose" and guess what: I feel awful! I feel guilty etc, not common feelings for me, which makes me understand how important this is. I believe my "guilty" feeling is just another cover-up for admitting that I have been enabling a terrible condition, not really helping. Changing life-long habits is hard, but nothing compares to the solidity of standing in my own loving truth. Thank you for this post! I stumbled on it by googling “enabling behavior.” I am right in the middle of working to align a close family relationship with my “own path and purpose” and guess what: I feel awful! I feel guilty etc, not common feelings for me, which makes me understand how important this is. I believe my “guilty” feeling is just another cover-up for admitting that I have been enabling a terrible condition, not really helping. Changing life-long habits is hard, but nothing compares to the solidity of standing in my own loving truth.

]]> By: Guillermo http://www.davidchernoff.com/spirituality/codependency-enabling-behavior-tough-love/comment-page-1/#comment-38 Guillermo Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:56:35 +0000 http://www.davidchernoff.com/?p=320#comment-38 Very good and balanced article. Our poor and famish ego has much to do with the article. Very good and balanced article.
Our poor and famish ego has much to do with the article.

]]> By: Janet Smith Warfield http://www.davidchernoff.com/spirituality/codependency-enabling-behavior-tough-love/comment-page-1/#comment-35 Janet Smith Warfield Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:02:17 +0000 http://www.davidchernoff.com/?p=320#comment-35 Codependency is such a subtle beast. I've spent much of my life unlearning the ingrained behavior patterns from my early conditioning - to put others first and myself second. I've had to replace those patterns with new ones: taking care of myself first and setting boundaries with others. Yes, it's tough love and it's been tough on me. It is far too easy to give myself away to people who don't deserve it. So why have I done it? Probably, because it has made me feel important. It is a sense of pride I need to release, over and over again. What I have done truly helps neither me nor the other. I will never forget the words of a recovering addict I once heard speak, "Don't ever take the addict's pain away from him. If you do, he'll never recover. Codependency is such a subtle beast. I’ve spent much of my life unlearning the ingrained behavior patterns from my early conditioning – to put others first and myself second. I’ve had to replace those patterns with new ones: taking care of myself first and setting boundaries with others. Yes, it’s tough love and it’s been tough on me. It is far too easy to give myself away to people who don’t deserve it.

So why have I done it? Probably, because it has made me feel important. It is a sense of pride I need to release, over and over again. What I have done truly helps neither me nor the other.

I will never forget the words of a recovering addict I once heard speak, “Don’t ever take the addict’s pain away from him. If you do, he’ll never recover.

]]> By: Ambre L http://www.davidchernoff.com/spirituality/codependency-enabling-behavior-tough-love/comment-page-1/#comment-31 Ambre L Tue, 18 Aug 2009 02:57:28 +0000 http://www.davidchernoff.com/?p=320#comment-31 Great article. I am going to link to this. Codependency is so subtle. For a long time I had no idea I was this way. My biggest form of codependency was making excuses for others, and feeling guilty that I wasn't able to be "good enough" to truly help them with their illnesses. After seeing this pattern in my relationships throughout my life, I can honestly say I was very codependent. It has been a wonderful journey to explore being kind and loving to myself. I let go of self-sacrifice and embrace self-care. Great article. I am going to link to this. Codependency is so subtle. For a long time I had no idea I was this way. My biggest form of codependency was making excuses for others, and feeling guilty that I wasn’t able to be “good enough” to truly help them with their illnesses. After seeing this pattern in my relationships throughout my life, I can honestly say I was very codependent. It has been a wonderful journey to explore being kind and loving to myself. I let go of self-sacrifice and embrace self-care.

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